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a more bearable reality.
The whole thing had felt, tasted, smelled, seemed so real. He had
seemed so real. Of course, even if it had happened physical bodies had
not been involved. The more she thought about it, the more conflicted she
became. She couldn t decide if she wanted the whole thing to be real. If it
had happened, Luke had tricked her, and she was, at least in part,
responsible for what happened to Serena and Dave. It also meant that Fate
moved them all about like pieces on a chessboard free will was an
illusion. Scary thought.
If it had not happened...well, then she hadn t had that glorious
moment with the love of her life, she would never know how he truly felt
about her, and she was in need of extensive psychiatric help.
She stared at her anonymous pastel environs. The faint odor of air
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Leap of Fate by Antonia Pearce
freshener hit her nostrils. She couldn t keep holing up in here, ordering
room service, and watching bad daytime TV. That wouldn t solve
anything, and she was due back to her dreaded hospital job in Atlanta. If
nothing else, this had taught her that life is short. She was going to have to
make some serious career changes find a situation where she could
realize her potential to help people.
Maybe the frustration and stress of her job contributed to this little
breakdown. An ugly word, but a spade was a spade. This was more
than grief over her friends though that would have been enough. More
even than the continued grief over Luke, and she knew she would never
get over that. This was about her own dysfunctional life.
She was going to go into therapy as soon as she got home, but first
she had a pilgrimage to make. She had to find a way to say good bye. A
way to apologize to Serena and Dave, and to Luke. She d blamed him all
these years for not loving her, then for leaving her. Now, for lying to her
during their glorious imaginary reunion and making her culpable for
Serena and Dave s loss. All of which was not fair to him, since the whole
thing had been nothing more than a delusion.
To be honest, if she had the chance for more time with him, she
would do the same. Do anything. Tell any lie. Anything.
Today was Luke s birthday, an ironic but fitting day to make
amends and to say good bye. She threw back the covers and got out of
bed to head to the shower.
* * * * *
Merryn climbed the gentle slope of the small cemetery tucked
between the picturesque white columned church and the lakeside park. It
was a beautiful, peaceful place, even in the chill of winter and surrounded
by barren trees. Snow yet again dusted the landscape. It hadn t snowed in
years and now, twice in two weeks. Funny how it softened the sharp
angles and harsh colors of winter, giving the impression of renewal a
clean slate for the world, and yet it was such a painful reminder.
The weak, bluish light of the overcast day illuminated the marble
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Leap of Fate by Antonia Pearce
headstones festooned with floral offerings. The odd plastic poinsettia and
miniature Christmas tree marked the holiday just past. She clutched the
huge bunch of fragrant roses and lilies to her chest, and her steps slowed
with reluctance as she approached reality.
There they all were. Side by side. Dave and Serena together on the
left. Luke and his parents sharing a headstone on the right. Perhaps that
was some comfort to them. It wasn t to her. It just magnified the enormity
of her loss.
She sank to her knees in the brown, snow dusted Bermuda grass
between the plots, shuddering at the sight of the twin, fresh mounds of
dirt where the newlyweds now lay. Obscene; that s what it was. She
lovingly placed the lilies and all but one of the roses on their graves. The
tears came in a slow, steady stream as she cried for them for the first time.
Her best friend since childhood and her best bud from college soul
mates. That s what they were. She knew that as sure as she knew her own
name.
Wherever you are, I know you guys are together. Sometimes I
think the only thing I did right in my entire life was to bring you
together. She wiped the tears away, but they just kept flowing. I am so
sorry if I m responsible in any way for what happened. You should have
had a long, happy life together kids, the whole thing. If I could trade
places with you, I would. I don t seem to have that option though, and I
guess, as horrible as it seems to me, this was meant to be. The same way
you two were meant to be. I want you to know how much I love you, and
to thank you for being such good friends to me. Merryn reached over
and traced the names carved into the stone.
Good bye dear ones, she whispered and dried her tears with a
crumpled tissue scavenged from her coat pocket.
Still on her knees, she pivoted toward the grave Luke shared with
his parents. The dates on the headstone reminded her that Luke had been
a young man only eighteen when his parents died, leaving him to raise
his younger sister. It couldn t have been easy to be responsible for a pre
teen girl and trying to build a business at such a young age, but he d done
it. Bickering aside, he d been a good friend to her, too. And so much
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Leap of Fate by Antonia Pearce
more&
She traced his carved name with a forefinger. Ah, Luke. Always
trying so hard to do the right thing. You were such a good man. Not
perfect, but good. She smiled to herself at that thought. I m sorry I was
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