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nothing like Reynolds, except in the most superficial way. But this was not the case. Walking along that
golden corridor, mixing with the revelers who poured between the shops and bars, I felt toward him as I
had on the day we had met in the streets of Abidjan: powerfully attracted, vulnerable, and excited. And
yet I did perceive a difference in him. Whereas Reynolds presence had been commanding and intense,
there had been a brittleness to that intensity, a sense that his diamond glitter might easily be fractured.
With this Reynolds, however, there was no such inconstancy. His presence -- while potent -- was
smooth, natural, and unflawed.
Everywhere we walked we encountered the fruits of the Equations: matter transmitters; rebirth
parlors, where one could experience a transformation of both body and soul; and the omnipresent
students, some of them half-gone into a transcorporeal state, cloaked to hide this fact, but their condition
evident by their inward-looking eyes. With Reynolds beside me, all this seemed comprehensible, not --
as before -- a carnival of meaningless improbabilities. I asked what he felt on seeing the results of his
work, and he said, I m really not concerned with it.
What are you concerned with?
With you, Carolyn, he said.
The answer both pleased me and made me wary. Surely you must have more pressing concerns, I
said.
Everything I ve done was for you. A puzzled expression crossed his face.
Don t pretend with me! I snapped, growing angry. This isn t a show, this isn t the auditorium.
He opened his mouth, but bit back whatever he had been intending to say, and we walked on.
Forgive me, I said, realizing the confusion that must be his. I...
No need for forgiveness, he said. All our failures are behind us now.
-=*=-
I didn t know from where these words were coming. They were my words, yet they also seemed
spoken from a place deep inside myself, one whose existence had been hidden until now, and it was all I
could do to hold them back. We passed into the upper levels of the station, where the permanent staff
was quartered, and as we rounded a curve, we nearly ran into a student standing motionless, gazing at
the wall: a pale young man with black hair, a thin mouth, and a gray cape. His eyes were dead-looking,
and his voice sepulchral. It awaits, he said.
They are so lost in self-contemplation, these students, that they are likely to say anything. Some fancy
them oracles, but not I: Their words struck me as being random, sparks from a frayed wire.
What awaits? I asked, amused.
Life... the city.
Ah, I said. And how do I get there?
You... He lapsed into an open-mouthed stare.
Carolyn pulled at me, and we set off again. I started to make a joke about the encounter, but seeing
her troubled expression, I restrained myself.
When we entered my apartment, she stopped in the center of the living room, transfixed by the walls.
I had set them to display the environment of the beginning of The Resolute Lover : an endless sweep of
golden grasses, with a sparkling on the horizon that might have been the winking of some bright tower.
Does this bother you? I asked, gesturing at the walls.
No, they startled me, that s all. She strolled along, peering at the grasses, as if hoping to catch sight
of someone. Then she turned, and I spoke again from that deep hidden place; a place that now --
responding to the sight of her against those golden fields -- was spreading all through me.
Carolyn, I love you, I said... and this time I knew who it was that spoke.
-=*=-
He had removed his cloak, and his body was shimmering, embedded in that pale glow that once had
made a weapon of my right hand. I backed away, terrified. Yet even in the midst of fear, it struck me that
I was not as terrified as I should have been, that I was not at the point of screaming, of fleeing.
It s me, Carolyn, he said.
No, I said, backing further away.
I don t know why you should believe me. He looked at his flickering hand. I didn t understand it
myself until now.
Who are you? I asked, gauging the distance to the door.
You know, he said. The Spider... he s all through the station. In the computer, the labs, even in the
tanks from which my cells were grown. He s brought us together again.
He tried to touch me, and I darted to the side.
I won t hurt you, he said.
I ve seen what a touch can do.
Not my touch, Carolyn.
I doubted I could make it to the door, but readied myself for a try.
Listen to me, Carolyn, he said. Everything we wanted in the beginning, all the dreams and fictions
of love, they can be ours.
I never wanted that, I said. You did! I only wanted normality, not some...
All lovers want the same thing, he said. Disillusionment leads them to pretend they want less. He
stretched out his hands to me. Everything awaits us, everything is prepared. How this came to be, I
can t explain. Except that it makes a funny kind of sense for the ultimate result of science to be an
incomprehensible magic.
I was still afraid, but my fear was dwindling, lulled by the rhythms of his words, and though I
perceived him to be death, I also saw clearly that he was Reynolds, Reynolds made whole.
This was inevitable, he said. We both knew something miraculous could happen... that s why we
stayed together, despite everything. Don t be afraid. I could never hurt you more than I have.
What s inevitable? I asked. He was too close for me to think of running, and I thought I could delay
him, put him off with questions.
Can t you feel it? He was so close, now, I could feel his heat. I can t tell you what it is, Carolyn,
only that it is, that it s life... a new life.
The Spider, I said. I don t understand, I...
No more questions, he said, and slipped the robes from my shoulders.
His touch was warmer than natural, making my eyelids droop, but causing no pain. He pulled me
down to the floor, and in a moment he was inside me, we were heart to heart, moving together,
enveloped in that pale flickering glow, and amidst the pleasure I felt, there was pain, but so little it did not
matter...
-=*=-
...and I, too, was afraid, afraid I was not who I thought, that flames and nothingness would obliterate
us, but in having her once again, in the consummation of my long wish, my doubts lessened...
-=*=-
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