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If either of them heard me, they didn t react.
How is it different? Kai-Ren asked, the words escaping his thin lips like a hiss of steam.
Were those sharp teeth I glimpsed? I didn t want to watch, but I couldn t get out of my own fucking
head.
I was scared for me, Cam said. He s scared for more than himself.
Kai-Ren narrowed his eyes.
I know you don t understand, Cam said. He smiled ruefully, and I remembered what he d told me
days ago: He is honorable, in their sense. But he also really does think we re lower than pond scum.
Kai-Ren growled and slid a gloved hand down Cam s spine, and I felt it. I felt it as if he were
touching me. I felt how the touch teased Cam into arousal, and how it did the same to me.
My heart racing, I hauled myself up onto my knees and retched. Nothing came out, but at least I
somehow managed to jam the connection between Cam, Kai-Ren, and me. If my flesh prickled and I
shivered, that was because I was naked on a Faceless ship in the middle of the black, not because Cam
was getting touched and he liked it.
Because if that was the reason, I was totally fucked-up.
* * * *
I had no more idea of the passage of time in this room than I had in the pod, except I didn t need to
piss yet, and I wasn t hungry, so it couldn t have been too long. I lay on the floor and tried not to notice
how it felt more like skin than metal, and how small vibrations passed through it. The thrumming of an
engine, maybe, or maybe a pumping lymphatic system. The hell if I knew.
The door slid open. Brady?
Relief flooded over me. Cam!
It s okay, he said.
Another fucking lie, but I tried hard to believe it. I think I almost did for a second; then the whole
thing crumbled.
Cam sat on the floor with me and held me while I cried. He stroked my face, rubbed my back, and let
me burrow as close as a tick.
It s okay, he thought, and every time he wrecked it with what he really thought: I m so sorry.
I know. I tried not to think about how the Faceless had touched him. Tried not to think about how
much further they d gone when I managed to shut them out, and whether or not Cam liked it.
He did. I knew he did.
Fucking telepathy.
I wished I had some clothes to wipe my nose on. I sniffed instead. Why are we still connected? I
thought he was going to fix that.
He was, Cam said. His eyes were large in the gloom. But he wants you to be able to communicate
with him, Brady, yeah?
I shrugged.
Cam rubbed his palm over my buzz cut. And you remember how he does that, right?
Fear stabbed me.
Technicolor flashback to the first time Cam awoke on this ship.
Cam had twisted his head from side to side, but he couldn t see. He was blindfolded. Naked. He was
chained, wrists and ankles, and he couldn t move. His arms were pulled above his head. His shoulders
hurt. His bare feet scrabbled on the floor but couldn t get purchase. There was nowhere to go. There was
nothing to do but take it.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
So maybe it s okay if I stay in your head awhile, Cam said. Be your intermediary.
Yeah. My breath shuddered out of me. Yeah.
We sat together in the darkness.
Fear fades.
You think it does, but sometimes it s just regrouping.
Cam held me until I fell asleep. When I woke up again, I was in chains.
Chapter Twenty-One
I screamed.
I was in the room with the flashing lights, with the restraints, and Kai-Ren was standing right in front
of me. He wasn t wearing his mask. He narrowed his yellow eyes as he gazed at me.
I struggled, even though I knew it was pointless. My hands were chained above my head. There were
straps around my ankles, keeping my legs apart.
Don t! I begged, twisting my body. He said you wouldn t! He said you wouldn t!
Kai-Ren hissed. You do not understand, Bray-dee. You do not listen.
I ll listen. I ll listen! But I knew that s not what he meant, not really.
My connection with Kai-Ren wasn t as strong as my connection with Cam. Cam had called himself
an intermediary. Maybe that wasn t good enough for what Kai-Ren wanted, although why the fuck he
wanted to communicate better with a filthy reffo from Kopa was anyone s guess. Cam was a better
ambassador for humanity than me.
I hear you, I said. My heart rate spiked in panic, and adrenaline coursed through me. Fight or
flight? biochemistry asked me, and I couldn t do either. I could only beg. I ll listen, please!
Kai-Ren hissed again, and something in his tone sounded almost affectionate. Soon you will, little
thing.
Kai-Ren moved behind me. His fingernail his claw? scraped gently down my spine, following
the knots. My skin turned to gooseflesh, and my guts turned to water.
No no no no no.
Was that my voice in my head or the memory of Cam s when he d been in this exact position? I
couldn t tell, and what the hell did it matter anyway? His, mine it hit the same brittle, panicked pitch.
I m not him! I whimpered. I m not the same as him!
If Kai-Ren expected that after this, I d understand, he was wrong. Cam might have been able to
understand that Kai-Ren was alien, that the violation was incidental to the purpose, but I couldn t, and I
wouldn t. Cam was smarter than me. Cam didn t have the same reserve of anger boiling in his guts that I
did. Cam couldn t hold a fucking grudge.
Nothing, nothing would make me stop hating Kai-Ren for this.
And fearing him.
And wishing I was dead.
This wasn t just biochemistry. This was me.
I m not the same as him! I said again, my eyes stinging with tears, my nose dripping. We re not
all the same!
But who can tell the difference between insects, right?
Kai-Ren touched my neck. A sudden, sharp pain stung me.
The drug was instantaneous. Calmness stole over me. My heartbeat slowed. My breath slipped out in
a sigh. Fear died.
Sensation replaced it as Kai-Ren s hands ghosted over my skin. His touch wasn t warm, but it was
as electric as Cam s had ever been. I hated the way he touched me like he owned me. I hated the moan that
escaped me. Most of all I hated the way he hissed in satisfaction when my cock began to fill.
Good, Bray-dee, he whispered somewhere close to my ear.
I didn t even have the strength to turn my head away. I could only hang there, my chin lolling. I stared
down my scrawny, pale body as Kai-Ren pressed up behind me, his gloved hands sliding over my hip
bones, over my abdomen, and down to my cock.
I knew I should be afraid, but whatever Kai-Ren had injected into me a drug? venom? deadened
the part of my mind that should have been screaming. Kai-Ren s gloved fingertips stroked my cock, and I
moaned.
No no no no no.
Except yes. Yes.
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